Heartache Lies

Within A Doomed Heart...

Broken Heart And Shattered Soul

Why must there be so much pain,
within this heart my love for you will always remain.
Locked up tight within my soul,
for your love made my world seem whole.

Why in the world did you want me to change,
everything within reach, everything to gain.
My love you had from the very start,
a love from deep within my heart.

You said you loved everything about me way back when,
why now must I change, from the way I was then.
I loved you no matter what you said or did,
now again from this world I must stay hid.

Broken heart and shattered soul,
as now my world doesn't seem whole.
Within me there was a love so very deep,
loosing your love makes my heart weep.

As I lay here and watch the rain,
my soul broken from all this pain.
To know I'll never feel your touch upon my skin,
nor see that beautiful smile as you grin.

Lonely here I try my best,
but thoughts of you won't let me rest.
As the thunder breaks the silence in the sky,
all the good memories of you come flying by.

Why couldn't you take me the way I was when we met,
and love me forever, for I thought our lives were really set.
Why wasn't your love strong enough to bend,
broken heart and shattered soul as it all comes to an end.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©02-22-05

Worse Than Wall Street Crash

Computer Crash..OH NO!!!!

A Poem For Computer Users Over 40

A computer was something on TV
From a science-fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat.

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
and backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife
And paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was a flu.

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead.

Got this in an email today...thought it was cute....

As You Say Goodbye

My Heart Lies Shattered In The Corner

Never Say Goodbye

Never say goodbye, for it isn't a word.
At least not one,that I've ever heard.
Maybe it's because I close my ears,
so I never have to shed all of these tears.

One day you are here the next your gone,
and this seems to cut me straight to the bone.
Maybe it's because I hate goodbye's,
for inside my heart my soul really dies.

So when you tell me your gonna leave,
just say see ya, and then I'll pull out the sleeve.
I'll wipe away all these tears, I know that I'll cry,
for inside my heart I'll know it's goodbye.

Just say I'll be back when the sun don't shine,
when inside my heart I want you to be mine.
Say I'll see you when love blooms again,
when I'm feeling like I did, when our love began.

Just say hideous my friend,
your love I'll miss, I won't pretend.
Then I'll know your saying Goodbye,
again that's where, I'll begin to cry.

But never ever say Goodbye,
for inside my heart I know I would die.
If I loose you after all this,
I know saying goodbye would mean, I'll never again live in bliss.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©02-19-05

Wrote this after commenting on someone's poem...this is what come from this crazy head....

Tell Me Why Two Hearts

Connected After So Many Years?

Why?

Just sitting here thinking of you,
oh my, what in the hell am I gonna do.
Why did we meet again after so many years?
Why did we meet through all of these tears?

Why are your eyes such, a very deep blue?
Why does your love makes me feel so wonderfully knew?
Why does it feel so good to lay here alone?
Why if I lost you would it cut me to the bone?

Why do I love when you kiss me with your very soft lips?
Why inside is my heart turning these flips?
Why do you gaze so deep into my eyes?
Why so many questions? Why so many whys?

Why did you search so deep in my soul?
Why do you make my world seem whole?
Why do you love from so deep in your heart?
Why did you love right from the start?

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©02-19-05

I Know I Could

Swim The Oceans....

Feeling quit well today...it's wonderful to feel half way normal again...I guess I figured it out...I don't have to be sad all the time to hold their memories close to me...Mom would want us all to be happy and keep on living...It doesn't mean I have to forget her...But this is my third day of feeling good and I am glad....Darn got to go to work...it's hard to go to work when I feel this good...but I have too....

I Feel Like I Could

Reach Out And Touch The Moon

I Feel Halfway Normal

I Feel Halfway Normal
Yesterday was the first time I have felt normal in 5 months...Mom has always been here for me and my kids...We miss her so much...but yeasterday and today I have felt so much better...I know Mom and my ma-maw Pete are in Gods hands...I thank God that I am feeling better...and that I have a special man in my life...she would be glad if she was here...My little Taylor just loves him to death..Mom knew him from many years ago when we went together as teens...Teddy ran into him at the cemetery a week after mom died and he got my number from him...Ricky was here for me as a friend at first..he wiped away so many tears...and was there anytime I need to talk or cry...He is a wonderful man...I don't know what happened..I just woke up and found my self in love with him....Well not exactly woke up and found my in love...I kinda fought the feelings at first...LOL...we had a wonderful Valentines Day...and the kids enjoyed it greatly...They love him as much as I do... he does seem to love them to...he tells me he loves them..and I really believe he does....

I love you Ricky for everything you've done for me...and for the way you make me feel...

JoyceWilbanksIvy02-15-05

To A Special Little Girl With A bubblie Heart

Just Like These Hearts....Happy Valentines Day Nicky

A Very Special Valentines For Nicky

My thoughts are with my cousin today...Nicky who died so many years ago on this day...Such a sweet little girl...She called me Aunt Joycie even though I was her cousin...their was so much age difference...she felt I was her Aunt...She had a brain tumor they found when she was 4...they said she wouldn't live long...she live another year...A hard year for her...but she was always happy...Her and her parents lived with me off and on that year because she had to go to St. Jude so much... and I didn't live far from it...I remember her after her treatments...she was bald...she had the most beautiful long hair before that...I remember so many things she would tell me...She would say Aunt Joycie when I die and go to heaven with Jesus...I'm gonna get my piggy tails back...and she seemed so happy about that....she would put her hands up next to her head and wiggle her hands like she had her pigtails in her hand...it was so sweet....I stayed with her at night and my youngest sister stayed with her in the day time a lot...Her dad drove a truck and had to work....Her mother had 3 other children and felt they needed her more....The doctors told me this was her way of dealing with Nicky's death...She didn't want to be too close to her when she died....They said they saw that a lot...I really didn't understand it but we dealt with it...So I stayed as much as I could with her at night and Julie would all day until I got off work....Her mother would come on weekends...Her dad came every time he was off the road...It was a hard time...But I will never forget her...She loved for me to rock her and sing to her...As bad as I sing she loved it...bless her heart...She would tell me Aunt Joycie I love you and I always will...and I believe her love was so pure and true..She never wanted me to leave her...and I hated it when I had to...but I had to work and I had a child and husband at home...But I must say he dealt with is so well..I will never forget that Sunday when I had to leave....she didn't want me too...but I had to work the next morning.....The next morning of Feb.14, 1982...My little Nicky died...5 years old and she was gone...It broke my heart...all of us were heart broken...I wasn't there when she died and that really bothered me...I got the call at work....I nearly died myself...I loved her so much...My uncle said after I left Sunday night she quit talking...and in the early morning of Valentines Day she died...

I want to wish Nicky... a Very Special Valentines Day...She sours the heaven with mom now...Mom always loved her so much....

JoyceWilbanksIvy02-14-05

Your Hearts Now Lie Within Gods Hands

Happy Valentines Day Mom And Mamaw Pete

A Special Valentine

Went to visit my mom today,
not much there just a grave.
For some reason I can't stay away,
as I try to live and for her be brave.

Went to place flowers upon the ground,
were she now sleeps safe and sound.
A beautiful little rose bush placed with love,
as mom now soar the heavens above.

I placed one on my Ma-maw Pete's
where now she also sleeps.
A beautiful pink one placed with love,
as she now soars with mom above.

I know their happy up with the Lord,
these to women I so adored.
Flying free upon the clouds so high,
way up in the heaven they now fly.

As we move on with our live down here,
all their memories we hold so dear.
The two women who died on those September days,
and left our lives empty in so many ways.

To them I wish a special Valentines Day,
to let them know how sorry I am they went away.
Their memories inside my heart I will forever hold,
with each passing day as I grow old.


A Special Valentine!!!!!! for two very special women...
Happy Valentines Day Mom and Ma-maw Pete...Mother and Daughter to die 27 days apart...We Love and Miss you both....

Minnie Lee Warren Wilbanks
March 16, 1941- September 3, 2004
63 years old

Vara May Waldo Warren Alexander
June 2, 1919- September 30, 2004
85 years old

JoyceWilbanksIvy02-14-05

Sometimes I just think to much... 

A Day Of Thinking

You know I was sitting here today thinking of how your heart changes over the years, months or even days. I was just reading some of my blogs from a several months ago. And I was thinking I must have been very miserable. And very angry over life and death, something I can't seem to take very well. I know we all have to deal with it at one point or another.But I still don't have to like it.LOL. I'm not angry at God about Moms and Mamaw's death anymore.Well don't know that I was ever mad at him.I guess I was really mad at myself.I guess because I didn't do everything for mom like I should have.I know Jordan and Taylor were her life but I shouldn't have put them on her as much as I did.I know mom would be very proud of all of us though, with the way we have all helped each other and the girls through her death.It's been 5 months since her death, but it seems like yesterday. It has gotten easier with time, but I don't believe the pain will ever deminish enough for my heart to feel right again. It really bothers me though when I think of how Daddy must feel. I really dread the day he leaves us if he goes before I do. But I know God knows what's best for us all.I know if mom looks down at us all she knows we are going to be ok. And she would be very happy for the love me and the kids have found with Ricky. She worried about all of us so much when she was here. Especially Jordan and Taylor because of the way Ben has done them and me. I hope she knows they have found the love they need in him.And he does Love them very much. Anyway after I read some of these blogs I fixed a few and started to delete the ugly ones...but I desided to leave them as a reminder of how ugly I was.I will try not to be that way again.Hope they don't offend anyone. It is just where I vented my anger. It shows a side of me I never want to return.EVER

From Me To You

Happy Valentines Day ....I'm glad we met again after 30 years...

Happy Valentines Day Ricky

Sitting here lonely
only wanting you.
What in the world
am I gonna do.

Sad and lonely
I am on some days.
But when I'm with you
the sadness fades away.

I never know
what your gonna say.
You make me so happy
every single day.

My life was filled
with such sadness inside.
Until we met again
now happiness can reside.

You take away
so much of this gloom.
Now I feel like
a flower in full bloom.

A big beautiful red rose
like the one you gave me today.
I hope that your love
never goes away.

I love the big white bear
you gave me with a hug.
He will sleep with me
and make my bed feel snug.

This was our second Valentines Day
together in 30 years.
Somehow this one was so different
it made me shed a few tears.

For way back when
we were just teens.
A puppy love back then
wasn't the love that now beams.

So today I wish you
the happiest Valentines Day yet.
Just to let you know
again I'm glad we met.

For you on Valentines Day

I Love You Very Much...

JoyceWilbanksIvy02-14-05

I Am Here Lord

To Praise Your Holy Name

I Turn To You Lord

I turn to you for everything I need
as I lay here in this lonely room.
For tonight I am here all alone except you Lord,
without you my nights are hard to take.

I turn to you for all my strenght
to make it through these lonely nights.
Your love keeps me so safe and warm
as your love fills my heart.

I turn to you to ease the pain
held so tightly inside this mind.
As your loves flows so freely
from your heart so divine.

I turn to you for the love I so desire
inside my heart I am nothing without you.
To you my soul I have given,
inside is the heart you gave me.

I turn to you today more than ever Lord,
to give me the strength to go on living.
To be freed from the pain of others judgements upon me,
for you know my heart better than I do myself.

I turn to you everyday Lord,
because I am not perfect by no means.
But one thing I know today is I believe and I trust
with all my heart that you know what's best for me.

I turn to you again Lord,
to place compassion and love deep within my heart.
To take away the anger inside my soul,
and replace it with your divine love.

I turn to you Lord,
because I know you are the way, the truth and the light.
You are there through all the storms in my life,
you strengthen me when I am down.

I turn to you with all my heart today Lord,
to thank you for being there for me at every turn in my life.
To thank you Lord for my family and friends,
and for our health and our love we share.

I turn once again Lord,
To praise your Holy name.
For you are the only way,
the only truth, the only life.

I Thank You Lord For Everything.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©02-07-05

Beauty Within His Wings

HE SOARS WITH GRACE

AS THE EAGLE SOARS

As the eagle soars the mountain top
way above the snow covered ground.
I listen to the echoing silence, not even a sound
as this beautiful eagle swoops the sky.

Magnificent beauty within his wings
as he glides through the bright blue skies.
This beautiful bird freely flies
with grace and elegance.

I know he is the most beautiful bird I've ever seen,
as I watch this eagle fly to the stars.
I wonder if somehow he'll reach that far,
way up in the heavens, oh so far away.

He is Gods greatest creature put here on earth,
I love to watch him soar the heavens above.
This graceful bird soars free as a dove,
with a beauty like no other bird alive.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©02-07-05

LOVE THE EAGLE...

WHO AM I TODAY 

Jeckel And Hyde

Jeckel and Hyde
Takes you on a crazy ride.
That is what you see,
every time you look at me.

Do you still want to walk by my side?
For so many emotions I can't seem to hide.
One day I'm up, the next I'm down,
once a smile, and then there's that frown.

I'm really not that bad if you look really deep,
it's just the craziest things, that make me weep.
Maybe it's because I'm getting older everyday,
and I wonder how you can love me this way.

So with me it's Jeckel or Hyde that you get,
maybe it won't last long, so just don't fret.
Neither one of them are really that bad,
once you get to know them their really a little sad.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©2005

Like The Wings Of The Butterfly

My Mind Flows Freely When I Think Of You

THOUGHTS OF YOU

As they often do...thoughts of you crossed my mind today but this time it was different it didn't hurt as much and it didn't make me cry it actually made me smile..for at last I know you are only someone I used to love in another time and place.....And even though you will always be unforgettable to me now when I think of you and I will on occasions I will remember for a bittersweet moment another time and place...

I CLOSE HELL'S DOOR

For He Will No Longer Destroy The Love In My Heart

I Hear The Devil Whisper

I hear the devil whisper,
as I call you name out loud.
For he knows you are my lover,
and for this he knows I'm proud.

I hear the devil whisper,
as you pull me close to you.
He tries to destroy this closeness,
and make me feel your loves not true.

I hear the devil whisper,
as you kiss me soft and slow.
My lips, you feel the passion,
as my heart begins to grow.

I hear the devil whisper,
as you love my heart and soul.
He says I'll never have you,
his rein will take it's toll.

I hear the devil whisper,
my soul he'll one day take.
Inside my heart is trembling,
as my hands begin to shake.

I hear the devil whisper,
as my ears begin to burn.
The fear wells up inside me,
as my stomach begins to churn.

So I fight the devils whispers,
with everything I have inside.
For I know this love we share,
he tries to destroy with pride.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©02-07-05

Inside My Heart Mom

Mom I need To Know

I Want To Know

Eyes filled with sadness
tear streamed face
lonely existence inside
fragile mind lingers on
shattered heart beating still
darkened soul
brought on by death
5 months of hell
wondering if there was pain
did she know it was coming
or was she asleep like they said
was she thinking of daddy
was she thinking of us
was she thinking of Terry
was she thinking of her dad
who are both in heaven with her now
was she scared
I know your at peace now
and I hope you were that day
the day you took your last breath
the day you went away
to be with your father on his birthday when you died
I know all these questions I have inside my mind
will never be answered until the day I join you in the skies

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©02-02-05

Another one of my bad days of wondering if Mom knew it was coming...

The Perfect Love

Can Set You Free

Loves Emotions

You never know what one kiss will do,
stirs emotions, deep inside you.
Makes you so crazy inside your mind,
filling your heart with a love so blind.

One touch of a hand upon your heart,
sent your mind reeling from the start.
A long deep look into ones soul,
can fill a world that doesn't seem whole.

The sparkle inside your eyes,
shows a truth that sometimes hides.
The love in my heart will also show,
inside these eyes you'll always know.

Love is sometimes the strangest thing,
a beauty in life it will always bring.
Makes your heart sing a beautiful song,
and live life happy all day long.

Love makes you feel so strange inside,
makes you never want to hide.
This is what love has done for me,
it gave me a reason to feel so free.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©02-02-05

My Past Often Makes Me Wonder

If This Love Is True

Sometimes I Wonder

I lay here in this bed tonight,
the stars they shine a dim faint light.
My heart I send to you my friend,
just to have our love begin.

You say you'll be there just for me
in my heart, you'll always be.
Please don't take me for a ride,
inside my heart and soul would die.

I often wonder if your thinking of me there
as I lay right here in this bed and stare.
My heart is aching oh so bad
these things I hold inside are sad.

One day I hope to be set free
and live with the love you've shown to me.
All your love I'll never give
to another person as long as I live.

Sometimes I wonder if your love is true,
if it isn't , I don't know what I'll do.
In my heart I want to know
if your love will always show.

Through this love I just can't loose,
It's your heart that made me choose.
My heart has so much at stake
I want you as my lasting mate.

You say your love for me is it true,
and maybe one day we'll say I do.
I want to trust this love you give,
and enjoy this life I want to live.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©2005

A Rainbow Of Love

Inside This Mind For Only Me To See

Rainbow Of Love

As the days grow colder and my nights longer,
my love for you, does grow stronger.
Wrapped up in your loving arms each night,
brings me pleasures that are so bright.
As you tell me how much you care,
and how your love you want to share.
As our love blossoms just like the flowers,
it rains down hope within it's showers.
Rainbows of colors within my mind,
colors that show a love so kind.
Vibrant colors you've never seen,
inside my heart a love does beam.
A beautiful red within my heart,
to show a love that we did start.
Inside my mind I see a crazy brown,
I guess comes from your silly frown.
A confusing grey I see today,
for all the hurt you want to wipe away.
A brilliant orange to show your soul,
for how you've made our world seem whole.
With all these rainbows of colors inside,
it makes me never want to hide.
I love this rainbow that I found,
it makes me fill I'm on solid ground.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©02-01-05

Another little crazy from my heart today...LOL

This Soul Is Always

In Search Of Love

My Soul Is Searching

Inside my soul is searching,
deep down within my mind.
Looking for some peace somewhere,
it seems there's none to find.

Inside my heart is crying,
for it's you I want with me.
To hold me in your arms,
and have things the way they use to be.

I never have to worry,
for I know your love is true.
So tell me why I try to run,
from this love I found in you.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©02-01-05

This was written on one of my bad nights...LOL

Beauty Only Found

Inside A Poets Mind

"Pictures From The Heart"

I try to paint a picture from my heart,
for all the world to see.
This picture I must show you,
comes from deep inside of me.

A great love for life,
and all it has to bring.
I love to write poetry from my heart,
to some it doesn't mean a damn thing.

I have a way of writing
that gets to some I see.
But what comes from my pen,
well that's what's inside me.

At time I write of death,
and sometime it's about angel wings.
But at time it's a dark poem you see,
because in my heart you'll find dark things.

But when I write of love
it's straight from my heart and soul.
All about the man,
who makes my world seem whole.

So as I try to paint these pictures,
for you to see inside my heart today.
I hope somehow it will bring you joy,
and some happiness along the way.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©02-01-05

Sometimes It's Hard

But We Must Face These Fears

Facing Fears Within Our Souls

The fears within our souls we seem to always find,
so never try to run and hide for there is nowhere to go.
They will find you and then your hands they always bind.
No matter what you do or where ever you are,
you can never seem to run fast enough.
Or never run to far.
So today I choose to face these fears,
and never run again.
I will not shed these tears,
for I leave all these fears behind.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©02-01-05

You Fill My Soul

With Passion

Passions Set Free

I feel the passion building
from deep within your soul.
You never have to touch me,
with those longing eye's, I'm told
As you stand here and undress me
with your eye's the passion shows.
Inside I feel your heart pounding,
and my heart it really knows.
It knows all your longings,
and everything your body needs.
For my body feels the same passions,
deep within my heart and soul.
This passion we have captured,
each time that we touch.
As our needs are met and passions fulfilled,
with each and every moment inside there is a thrill.
To know each time you touch me,
my soul is what you seek.
Our hearts are joined and our soul have met,
with an overbearing love so meek.
Each night our passions are set free,
from deep within our souls.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©02-01-05

GOD SENDS ANGELS

Angels in all forms

Gods Selected Angels

God has sent his angels to earth,
not angels in spirt form from birth.
But angels just like you and me,
with bodies to use so we may see.

He sends them here to help the weak,
and make their lives seem more complete.
To fill a lonely heart that's bleak,
with a love so very meek.

God sent this angel to us today,
to fill our lives with love in such a beautiful way.
He has sent him us here to stay,
too fill our lives with each day.

My kids are happier than they've even been,
since his love the Lord did send.
He makes us happier than he will ever know,
for to us all a beautiful love does show.

Gods selected angel he sent from above,
will be in our lives forever to love.
Until the day I am put in the ground,
I will love this selected angel that I found.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©02-01-05