My Mirror

Always Holds A Stranger 

Stranger In The Mirror

I look in the mirror and what do I see
a stranger staring back at me.
Once I could see inside a woman that was alive,
but now what I see makes me want to cry.
For somewhere long ago
I lost myself I know.
I let him take me down
now all I do is frown.
Eyes once bright now are dim,
and it's all because of him.
I once could look and see,
a smile staring back at me.
With each slap he took so much away,
I can't seem to find myself to this day.
Once out going ,strong and alive,
now lies a woman feeling deprived.
Weak and lonely I've become these past years,
shedding so many many tears.
I've built these walls that now stand high,
guarding my heart from the pain of this guy.
Now every time I look in that mirror all I see
is a lonely stranger looking back at me.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-29-05

Living In Fear

Every Single Day 

Drink After Drink

When I want to write I open up my mind,
the problem is I don't always like what I sometimes find.
I try to run away, turn from it and hide,
it doesn't always work my mind doesn't abide.
Inside my mind I'm so scared of what my life will bring.
Will I make the same mistakes or will I learn this time?
Why should this independence cause me so much pain?
My life I just want to totally regain.
I feel that I've been lost and actually taken away,
for six years now I've tried to find myself that somewhere went astray.
But everything I was he took it all from me.
Living in fear not knowing what was next to see.
My life slipped from my fingers at each and every turn,
and inside my body aching and my mind begins to burn.
With each new bruise he placed upon me I lost the one I knew,
from the world I began to hide these things that he would do.
Drink after drink the more he wanted control,
with it came the bruises and I had lost my only hold.
No longer was I that person that everyone had known,
for inside I was weak and my mind he had surely blown.
Why did I not tell them instead I hid away,
until the bruises were gone sometimes two weeks to the day.
Away from him I broke and I was finally free,
but still to this day I cannot find the person I use to be.
I am afraid that she is gone no longer there to find,
with his abuse he placed upon me he also made me blind.
Blind too who I was and what love was suppose to be,
now six years later I can't seem to make a life for me.
He made me scared to love another and trust them totally,
and now it's hard for me to love anyone truly.
When things get too serious my mind begins too run away,
because I know I can't take the pain again that he had sent my way.
Drink after drink he took my life from me,
and now I just can't find the one I use to be.
With each drink came the pain from his fist he really loved to use.
I guess it made him more of a man when me he did abuse.
Away from him I am and that is where I'll stay,
I just hope to find the women I was one day.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-28-05

Why Does Life

Always Seem Doomed 

Lost Here In My Mind

I am lost here inside my mind
is it now the right time.
Time to love you time to make amends
or is it now a time that our love ends.

Yes the diamonds you gave me are as lovely as can be,
but can't you just see it's love and trust that I want for you and me.
Somehow you have too open up your heart and your eyes
if you can't this love will end in some very sad goodbyes.

Me and my kids love you more than you will ever know,
and from your heart a beautiful love for them shows.
So for the sake of all our happiness can't you just open your heart and see,
there is a huge amount of love waiting here from them and from me.

If our lives end now because you continue to be so blind,
shattered hearts and shattered dreams are what you will find.
I've tried so hard to change even though I think it's wrong,
but deep down inside with you I know is where I belong.

God I am lost here inside my mind
is it now the right time.
A time to love him and make amends
or is it now time that our love ends.

I have searched my heart and deep down in my soul
all I can find is how your love made our lives whole.
But why now must I feel so threatened by you?
Why now do I feel our lives and love will not hold true?

How is it now I feel so lost and out of control?
Why now when your arms are around me it's not me that you hold?
Just a shell of a person that I use to be,
because now you have stripped everything from me.

Again I am lost here inside my mind
feeling this love will not end very kind.
I feel a bitterness welling up inside,
because now from you I just want too hide.

I no longer feel I am the person I use to be,
I feel everything has been stripped away from me.
How much longer do you think I can live like this?
Not knowing from one minute to the next if there will be love in your kiss.

How many times and how many ways do I have to prove my love too you?
How many more things will you strip from me too?
I just can't take anymore I'm lost inside my mind.
Why God does this man have to be so blind?

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-25-05

With Love

Must Come Trust 

Trust Me

Fear and destruction seem to follow me,
deep inside that's all that I see.
Why can't we stop this crazy mess?
When it's me I will confess,
but not you, oh no your always right
that's why we always end up in a fight.
I keep telling you I won't back down,
so look at me again with that crazy frown.
Because in the corner I'll not be pushed into,
I've told you over and over my love is true.
But all this jealousy has to stop,
you can't watch me around the clock.
If you can't trust me from this day on,
away from you I will be gone.
I love you more than I can ever say,
so please stop pushing my love away.
I don't know how to make you believe,
you are all in this world I'll ever need.
With you I'm as happy as I can be.
Why in the world can't you just see?
All I ask for is your trust in me,
I hope for our sake one day you'll see.
My love for you will never go away,
just put your trust in me today.
No woman will ever love you like I do,
let me show you my love is true.
I trust you with all my heart,
please trust me now or we must part.
My life without you would be so blue,
trust me now for my love is true.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-22-05

My Heart

Will Always Be With You 

High On Love

I am sitting here alone and just a little blue,
knowing deep down inside me my love belongs to you.
But not knowing how to handle these things you have to say,
sometimes I really think you wish I'd go away.

You tell me that you love me more than I will ever know,
I love you just as much now open up your heart and you will know it's so.
I try each day to show you just how much I care,
but somewhere along the way your sight gets so impaired.

If you would open up your soul you'd know my heart beats for only you,
and look deep into my eyes you'd know my love for you is true.
I haven't been the same since the day you touched my heart,
I know my life would be so empty if we let our love fall apart.

I know our lives and love are really meant to be,
so sweetheart open up your eyes and look deep inside of me.
Your love has put me on a wonderful high,
I hope I never see the the day we have to say goodbye.

I know one day our problems have to go away,
because inside your heart is where I plan to stay.
This love you have given has put me on a permanent high,
I plan on fighting for this love that's planted deep inside.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-21-05

Am I Disturbing You Mom

 

Another Time

I wish I could remember
what I was gonna say,
but Taylor's little mouth
is running away.
I have lost it
and now I am hot,
her little mouth
just better stop.
There's nothing worse
than being disturbed,
with her now I am really perturbed.
Knowing exactly what
you wanted to write,
then she comes in,
we're going to fight.
She knows when I'm writing
to just stay away.
Go in the other room,
you and your sister go play.
Guess I will have to do this
another time,
I can't even think of one
stupid rhyme.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOO ...Taylor liked this poem.....

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-10-05

Enjoy The Heavens Mom

 

Thank You God

I remember the days when mom was alive
a smile on our faces for there she would be.
We were her life in her face you could see,
and the love from her heart for all and for me.
She stayed home with the kids and took care of dad,
she's gone to the heavens and I am now sad.
We always knew mom and dad would be there,
we didn't realize life sometimes wasn't fair.
I wish so many times in this past year
I had held her close for she was so dear.
I remember the day that her heart played out,
inside my mind all I could do was shout.
God why have you done this?
God why didn't you care?
Taking mom like this just isn't fair.
We loved her so why couldn't she stay?
Why did she die that September day?
God why have you left us here all alone?
God why did you take mom to your home?
Then I realized even though I was sad,
with God I really didn't have to be mad.
For He had done what was his plan for her,
now in heaven she can't be disturbed.
I know she is now happy and without all that pain,
there with my brother no ones to blame.
God I am sorry I questioned your will,
just take care of mom and tell her we love her still.
Give my brother a little kiss,
tell him it comes from his little sis.
Take care of them God for we loved them so,
we miss them so much that you do know.
Happy I know she will forever be,
and for that God here's a thank you from me.

We love you mom and Terry...We miss you so much...love Joyce

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-10-05

I Know One Day

I Will Find Me 

Me

I search for myself
but I can't find.
All that's there
a fool so blind.
When I wake up
I know I'll see.
All these things
blinding me.
If I search
long enough.
Inside my mind
I will get tough.
One day to find
who I use to be.
I know one day
I will find me.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-10-05

Look Again

It Just Won't Be 

It Just Won't Be

Why do I do this to myself
it's late again I just can't rest
Inside my mind is telling me
stay away just let it be
If you love me you will come
if you don't you are scum
I don't care just stay away
again you didn't get your way
One day I may not be here for you
one day my love may not hold true
It's your choice it's your game
this time you are the one to blame
I tried so hard to let my love show
but tired I am I have to go
When you to look this time for me
look again it just won't be

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-10-05

Sometimes It's Better

To Just Go Home 

4 am I Cannot Sleep

4 am I cannot sleep
my mind won't close
I just weep
Inside my mind
I find you there
go away
I just don't care
If you come
to take me home
Angel of death
then bring it on
4 am I cannot sleep
too tired to fight you
I just weep
The tears they flow
right down my cheeks
They now run red
I must be dead
4 am and your alone
sometimes it's better
to just go home

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-10-05

Doomed

To The Darkness 

Doom

Here I am again no sleep,
a weary mind these things that creep.
Alone I lay here in this bed,
the pounding begins inside my head.
Why can't I sleep? Why can't I rest?
Is this just another test?
Or is it time that I be gone?
To leave this world all alone.
These things inside my head won't stop,
I feel as though I'm gonna drop.
But sleep won't come another night through,
all I can do is think of you.
If I go will you know,
not by choice I had to go.
These sleepless nights I cannot take
this doom inside I cannot shake.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-10-05

My Heart Is Just Tired

Of Being Broken Into 

Tired

I'm tired of my heart being torn away
my mind always feeling a stray.
Torn apart each time we talk
now this day I have too walk.
Someday I'll try to find a way
to hold you in my heart another day.
But for now I'll remove you from my mind,
your memories too fade deep behind
a heart and soul that loved you so
but for now I have to go.
I'm just so tried and I just don't care
I have to leave this one sided love affair.
When you decide you want to give
I hope I'm still close to where you live.
Because right now I'm ready to pack up
load my things inside the truck,
and go as far away from here
too let my mind finally clear.
But I'm so afraid that when I go,
my heart within you'll never know.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-09-05

Maybe We'll Meet

Another Day 

Another Day

I feel myself fading fast
how much longer will this last
Never again will you do this to me
I've opened my eye's now I see
You can't take it when things don't go your way
from you now my mind will stray
I'll find the things in life I want
your memories now will not haunt
my mind and soul nor my heart
somehow I'll live as we part
I love you still but I must live
you take and take and never give
For now I must go away
until we meet another day

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-09-05

I Seak To Find

My True Self 

Deaf and Blind

Here I sit in this home
it's not mine
where have I gone?
Away from here
out of my mind.
Why again have I
been so blind?
I guess one day
I will see
just what's wrong
why I let this
happen to me.
One day I know I will come home
and never again will I roam.
For then I'll know I found myself
too your voice my ears be deaf.
Too your memories my eyes turn blind
for inside I hope it's me I find.
Maybe by then I'll be over you
and to myself I'll finally be true.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-09-05

Gone To Find Myself

True To Me

I thought one day I'd just go away,
find myself along the way.
But that doesn't seem to be the plan
for I still don't know who I am.
All my life I've belonged to someone,
not me, never have I just belonged to myself.
But I think it's time I run and hide
and find myself along the way.
If they don't like it well to hell with them,
I'm just so tired of not knowing who I am.
I'm on my way out but not without a fight,
because I will find myself along the way.
So for now just move on over
because it's what I have to do.
If I can't find myself and be true to me,
how in this world will I ever be true to you.
You seem to think I need to change,
so buddy this is the way it will be.
I am gone now to find myself,
now let's hope you'll like what I find.
From now on I plan to be true to me
and maybe when it's over I can be true to you.
If you really love me hun then you will be there when I return.
If you don't I guess I'll live at least I'll know I've been true to me.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©11-09-05

My Little Birthday Girl

Happy Birthday Taylor

I remember a day not far away
the day that you were born,
eight years ago today.
Just a tiny little bitty girl,
no bigger than a tiny squirrel.
A sweet little cry
that made my heart sigh,
just knowing that you were mine.
When you opened your sweet little eyes
oh how the blue did shine
and you had the cutiest
little cheeks so soft and round.
Every time I looked at you
inside my heart would pound.
Tonight as I lay here and watch you sleep
I remember those days when we would creep
inside your room to take a peak at our little blue eyed girl.
Eight years ago it was that you were sent for me to love
brought to me from the heavens above.
That day I'll never forget my TaTa was born
just remember though out your life
too you my love is sworn.

Happy Birthday Taylor

Mommy Loves You More Than Life.....

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-09-05

A Season For Love

 

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas
to the one that I love
the man that holds my heart
and my very soul.
Too the one who stays
inside my mind each day
who stands by me
and doesn't run away.
Another Christmas
together we've seen
you'll never know
what your love means.
Through heartache
and pain
we've seen things through
I hope forever
it will always
be me and you.
Merry Christmas
to the one that I love
may your love always
keep my head
in the clouds above.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-07-05

Smile

All I Want For Christmas Is You 

All I Want For Christmas

Pretty boxes with beautiful ribbon
wrapped neatly under the tree.
Tensile and lights shining bright
as beautiful as can be.

Watching the kids as they open there gifts
their smiles as bright as can be.
Hugs and kisses with arms wrapped tight
all this love just for me.

Santa coming in the night,
the kids hugged together sleeping tight.
Waking up to see how good they've been
and all their little hearts I did win.

But from you all I really want for Christmas
is your undying love and trust.
All I really want for Christmas
is you......

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©2005

Love Me

Tender 

Sometimes

Sometimes I laugh
with a big bright smile.
Sometimes I cry
tears that last a while.
Sometimes I find a place to run and hide
from the world and the things outside.
Sometimes I seek the darkness to unwind
to open my mind to all things that reside.
Sometime I just run away in fear
for inside I hear the devil sneer.
Sometimes I feel that inner peace
for at times my pains God does ease.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-05-05

There Is Peace

Within The Hands Of God

Steal My Heart

Lust or love what can it be
everytime you look at me.
My knees get weak and my heart pounds
with every look and your purring sounds.

Each time you touch my hand
I feel as though I'm sinking in quick sand.
Your arms around me holding me tight
I try to run from you with all my might.

But run I can't for I can't hide
from all this love you have inside.
It makes my heart melt
the purest of love like I've never felt.

So why does it scare me I just don't know
all this wonderful love that you show.
Maybe one day my heart will heal
and then my heart I'll let you steal.

Copyrights:JoyceWilbanksIvy©12-05-05